its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
