So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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