so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
