youre lurking in front of me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
