that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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