This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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