It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
