So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
