you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
