He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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