Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
