wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
two words: eviction party
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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