My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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