i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
