so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
