You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
