The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
