i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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