I molested 6 butterflies tonight
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
