when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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