Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
