can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
