Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
