Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
