dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
PANTIES FOUND
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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