Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
