Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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