end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
