Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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