ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
