i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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