Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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