i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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