I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
