Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
