Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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