life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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