You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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