Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
