why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
