can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
