whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
