my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
