found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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