but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
