hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
