so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
