that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
