I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
