Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
