i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
