I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
