i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hippo gnu deer
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
