Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
