I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
