I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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