Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
