She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
