Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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