I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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