I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Couch. On fire.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
