the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
