im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
