Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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