If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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