maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
