Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
