so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
