I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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